isang kwentong walang kwenta: nytmare

then she woke up and realized that her nytmare was over... should she be thankful? because after a long time of sleeping she can finally live her life again. a life bit more realistic than her so called 'nytmare'. a lot less pain and a little less complicated. but instead of moving off her bed.. she lay still.. remembering how good her dream was at the start.. how everything happens unexpectedly and how it turns out just fine.. thinking about what was happening at that moment... it was nothing she ever dreamt of even in her real life but hey, she's in dreamland so she let all things be.. it was the best dream she ever had and she wish she could stay there forever... and then slowly her dreams was turning into a nytmare... a nytmare so addictictive that she let herself stay there even for a moment, a moment that turns out for a very long time that she even forget to wake up..

she didn't notice that her nytmare was slowly killing her... because she's too busy wishing that her nytmare will then again turn back as her best dream ever... she waited, and waited and waited... then she caught there by surprised... her dream wasn't comming back and her nytmare was really intended to kill her. she feels like drowning, she cannot breathe, and everything turns out black... she knows she needed to wake up... but nobody's in her room... she had to wake up on her own... and then she finally do... she lay still wide awake.. should she be grateful because she woke up? she didn't know.

then tears runs from her eyes and she didn' t know how to stop it... everytime she remember her dreams her tears keep on flowing like a river... lying there on her bed wide awake.. she's thinking if she still want to sleep again.. fall into deep slumber of her nytmare.. because she's thinking that it may probably a nytmare but it was her favorite worst nymare. and then she decided to sleep again.. but then there was nothing..no more dreams, no more dreamlands, no more nytmare.

i'm stupid.i really am.

*MONDAY - march 17, 2008

this was probably my worst day so far... nagiba na schedule ng pasok ko.. and i hate it! taong gabi ako.. at hindi basta basta i set ang body clock mo na kelangan n nyang magising ng 4:30am na almost 1 year nya ginagawa na 5am cya natutulog. but since i have no choice so i need to wake up early para makapag- in ako sa opis ng exactly 7am but the worst thing is... nagising ako that day ng 6am.. at sa bagal kong kumilos... imposibleng umabot ako sa opis ng exactly 7am.. but thank God.. late lang ako ng 10mins.. (record breaking na paliligo ang ginawa ko)haha

but the worst thing came at 8:30am.. 1st day today ng bagong program with pay.. and every seconds count.. napansin ko na nagpafluctuate ang signal ko but i didn't do anything kasi hindi ko nmn alam ang gagawin ko.. (tonta!) my boss came at nagtanong cya bakit ganun.. at wala akong maisagot! i just thought kasi na siguro pagumaga mahina ang microwave signals.. tanga ko talaga... at un na... kelangan namin maaus un before 9am but we're too late.. kelangan na namin magsign-on but too bad.. nawala kami sa ere.. my problem nga ung equipments namin.. i wanted to help pero anu naman matutulong ko? hindi naman ako nakikialam sa mga wirings sa opis namin... he's asking me different tools at hindi ko alam kung saan nakalagay and i bet my partner that didn't know it also and everything that was happening kasi nakaupo lang sya at sumasagot ng telepono.. parang call center agent! at noon ko lang din narining magmura ung boss ko.. kaya i know it was really serious!

i know it was somehow my fault.. kasi almost 1 year na ko sa opis pero mukha para pa din akong baguhan.. at nahihiya na ako dahil everyday i love you na akong mukhang tanga.. nadepress talaga ako that day.. kinausap pa kami nung VP for operations.. tinanong nya kung kaya daw ba nmin mag-operate ng walang supervisions ng mga seniors (dahil my trip to palawan lahat ng boss) at magpapaiwan daw sya pagsumagot kami ng hindi.. syempre kawawa nmn cya diba? i know wala na silang tiwala sa akin.. and i know i have to do something to redeem myself kaya lang ano naman? haay... haaay talaga! shit happens and it happens when you least expected it.. pero my words of wisdom ung isa kong boss.. sabi nya: don't let one failure puts you down instead accept it as a challenge.

don't say bad words

working in a sectarian company has its own ups and downs.. there you'll meet people na hindi yata marunong magalit (or so i thought) =p then there are these people na papansinin ka lang once in a blue moon.. (but sometimes, i want to think that it's really my fault kung hindi ko sila close after almost a year of working with them in the same company.. baka siguro ang angas ng dating ko..hehehe) and most of the time there is one person na kahit walang ginagawa sa akin asar ako.. (mas mataas ang level ky sapno sa kabwisitan ko sa kanya!) but really it's fun working with them eventhough i had this feeling na i can't really express myself when i'm with them.. ung tipong di ka na makahinga dahil pinipigil mo kung anu ung nafefeel mo.. hehe


i'm a type of person na hobby na magmura.. parang normal lang kahit anong klaseng mura pa un.. because i don't really think i mean it.. i actually can't believe na nakakapagpigil akong magsalita ng 'forbidden words' pag nasa opis ako..


then there is this one time na hindi ko na napigil ung sarili ko na nasabi ko ang word na: SIRA ULO! sa officemate ko in front of all of my boss..(kala ko naman kasi close kame nung officemate ko na un) at di ko ineexpect ung reaction nila! grabe.. big deal! super big deal! it's like i killed someone at that very moment! and to think sira ulo lang ung sinabi ko.. from that moment on.. feeling ko ba ung tingin nila sa akin i'm the worst person in the world.. na anytime daw ready magpakawala ng 'alien words'! josme! un lang un sinabi ko nawindang na sila! grabe talaga.. then they also ask me kung anu daw ba ung nangyayari sa akin.. o lumalabas na daw ba ung totoo kong kulay! (like i was somekind of a freak!) then one time ung boss ko.. tinanong ako kung may mag-iinvite daw ba sakin sa isang service pupunta daw ba ako.. hmmm... parang gusto na nya akong ipagpray-over! as if i was possessed by some evil spirit!hahaha


i don't know if i'll charge this experience in funny moments category or maybe sa most embarassing moments... until then.. super iniisip ko na ung mga sinasabi ko.. kaya lang ang hirap pala nun! lalo na pagasar ka na.. parang sasabog na ung dibdib mo... good thing naimbento ang CR na my salamin.. nagmumurahan kami ng reflection ko when we're alone.. hahaha nababaliw na naman ako.. =)


just thinking out loud: i can't change overnight to what people expect me to be... i'm just human and my imperfections are part of being one..